A Thought on Parenting

I'm not a parent. I have no plans to be a parent, at least not a natural parent. What this means is that while I may have ideas on how parenting should be done, I have no experience to lend any credence to my ideas and should be flat out ignored.

Case in point. I was talking about kids with my brother (who has three kids) and mentioned how I don't think its bad to let them cry once and awhile. His response was that "yeah, we thought that with our oldest son". As I mentally patted myself on the back, he proceeded to say that after awhile of doing that their oldest son began to hate going to bed and would start screaming as soon as they put him down.

So when they had their second son they did things differently. If he cried after they put him to bed, they went and got him, held him and waited until he calmed down and then put him back to bed. He never learned to hate going to bed. And once again, I learned that no matter what I think I know, I don't actually know anything about parenting.

Being from a family of seven (two younger brothers and two younger sisters) I have a sneaking suspicion that every child is different. What works on one child may work on another, but then again it may not. There were a number of years when I got spanked frequently for all the trouble I caused. I think that worked as I like to think I turned out okay. My youngest sister got spanked too for her infractions, for awhile, but Mom and Dad realized that she wasn't responding to that. It wasn't the same deterrent for her that it was for me.

So we've already established that I don't know anything about parenting. I have ideas of how to parent, some of which may be good ideas and some of which may be bad ideas, depending on the child they're being applied to. So how do know if someone is doing a good job with their children, or better yet... if I ever have kids how do I know when I'm doing a good job?

Let me tell you about what I saw last night. There's a church nearby that has been without a music pastor for awhile. They've hired a new one but he can't start for awhile yet so they've been having lay leaders and guest leaders for a few months. My brother with the three kids is one of the guest leaders and last night was his second time leading worship in their church. It was a Saturday evening service and there was no childcare provided. My wife, my youngest brother and I sat with his wife and their three boys, obstensibly to give her a hand although she had everything well under control.

As is typical with most churches the service began with music and as my brother walked out onto the stage, one of his sons proceeded to yell, "Hey, there's my Dad!" There was a little titter of laughter around us and a number of people turned to look. As the music started we all got to our feet and started clapping with the beat. At this point I wasn't paying too much attention to the boys as I had just noticed the bass player's bass and realized that it was one of those cool Novax Fanned-Fret instruments made by Dingwall. It took me awhile to remember that's what it was and for the first few songs I was completely distracted trying to think of the name.

As the worship set progressed I eventually remembered that I was supposed to be helping watch the boys. As I glanced around me looking for them (they tend to get out of sight very quickly) I spotted the oldest two, one on each side of my youngest brother. They were both standing on the bench and clapping with the beat and singing the words to the song. I was about to get after them for standing on the pew, especially with their shoes on when I realized what I was seeing.

The two boys were worshipping with us. Three years old and five years old. They weren't goofing off or drawing pictures or being loud and obnoxious or even sitting like well behaved dolls. They were entering freely into worship of our God, clapping and singing their hearts out. And they were a whole lot less distracted than me. At that momement I knew that my brother and his wife are doing a great job with their children. After all, what could be more important to teach them than to worship the Lord?

"From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise." Psalm 8:2